The first few hours of Valentine’s Day were torture.
I’m married to the man of my dreams and I have a wonderful life with him. However, like all relationships, we have our ebbs and flows in the tides of love. That morning, the waters were rough and unpredictable.
As we went through the motions of doing our normal Saturday morning routine of grocery shopping, I picked up on some really negative energy waves. I had felt it coming from my hubby for a few weeks now, but it was especially bad this Valentine’s morning. We argued about his feelings, actions, words, and behavior a great deal that morning. It became so overwhelming that I wanted to distance myself from him before the tsunami hit. I knew he was hurting in some way that I wasn’t certain how to help. When I don’t know how to comfort him, it can create unease in my soul.
At home, after grocery shopping, I grabbed my laptop and was about to head into the home office to get some work done. My husband sensed that I was “leaving him” and asked what I was doing. He told me that I didn’t need to leave. He quickly exclaimed that it was okay because he was going to go back to the grocery store to buy himself some ice cream to eat so that he would feel better. I knew deep inside I couldn’t allow him do that to himself. I knew that he was struggling with insecurity, lack of safety, and maybe feeling unheard.
He felt like his little island was sinking.
We sat down at our dining room table and had a long talk about what was really going on in his mind: the deadlines and obligations in his school classes, being passed up for promotions at work, and feeling like the weight of the world was sitting on his shoulders at this very moment. We talked about money, we talked about responsibility, and we talked about our dreams.
Here’s what we figured out:
He was overflowing with anxiety and worry. His head was swimming with “what ifs”. Ultimately, he was drowning in the ocean of aspirations of his future and lost sight of the shoreline.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m fortunate to have a man in my life that shares my dreams and is ambitious to see them through. But sometimes, his view of our future can become so overwhelming that he resents all of the little strokes he has to take to get there. He was sinking so fast in this idea of living in our favorite Hawaii town of Kailua and how that would make him feel, that he was miserable in the present moment.
The problem wasn’t that he had this big goal of living in Kailua (where we honeymooned), it was that he longed for an event in the future so much that he loathed the moments in his life that were happening right now. He was living in the future while dreading the actions it takes to get us there.
As a health coach, I’m blessed to serve many passionate and smart women.
However, we all end up with sand in our eyes at some point when we set big goals and long for that end result. Sometimes, we focus so hard on the outcome of our goals (whether that be living on the beach or losing weight), we forget how good we have it in the present moment.
When we live in the future, we focus only on ourselves. We worry about all of the “what ifs” that we cannot control and are likely to never happen. When we choose to create our life in the present moment, we serve others with great value and are pleased to do so. It’s not a struggle when we cherish the beautiful, wonderful person (and life) we have right now… even though we don’t have everything we think we want.
Living in the future makes us sick.
So, after coming to this realization with my husband, it’s safe to say it was smooth sailing once again. We loved each other, shared some chocolate, and went back to taking the actions to reach our dreams—this time with clear eyes and passionate purpose.
So, ask yourself:
“Have I allowed myself to drift into the future and be filled with stress and worry? Or am I living my life in the present moment of calm contentment and serenity?”
"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future, and not enough presence.” — Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now
Are you struggling with stress and burn out right now?
Every single health coaching client I work with gets this way when they are juggling a stressful job (or school or home life) while trying to make healthier changes and habits stick. IT'S HARD!
That's why I put together The Big Girl's Guide to Beating Burnout. When you understand WHY it's happening, you can help yourself stir clear of self-sabotage! Click here to download the guide for free.
Latest posts by Naomi Teeter (see all)
- GET INSPIRED TO RUN YOUR BUNS OFF - August 7, 2019
- The Effects of Childhood Trauma on Weight Loss - August 6, 2018
- A Typical Day of Living Healthfully For Me (March 2018 Edition) - March 4, 2018
- The First Step On My Weight Loss Journey Required Bravery - December 21, 2017
- How to Make Positive, Lasting Change from a Place of Self-Love - December 20, 2017