You called me “School Bus” every day as we sat in health class.
Each time you uttered those two words under your breath during class, I slowly turned around to give you the evilest look I could muster, through my red-faced anger and embarrassment.
Middle school was hell, and a big part of the reason it was miserable was because of you. You teased me relentlessly because I was a fat girl. You made it your mission to let me know how much I should feel ashamed of myself just for being fat. But there was something different about your teasing that stood out more than any of the others fat jokes and dirty looks from my peers.
It was the anger and total disgust you seemed to have for me as a person.
It felt like it was deeper than just the fact that I looked fat and ugly to you. It felt like you had something personal against me. And to this day, I still have no idea what I did to you to make you hate me so much.
Now, I can’t help but feel for you and the pain you must have also been going through in middle school. The pain I was too naive to understand back then. The pain of living in poverty, being geeky, growing up in a broken home, and feeling unseen. Like all bullies, you must have had a mixture of pain and a need for power that made you feel like hurting “weaker” people, made you a better, more worthy person.
We were a lot alike.
Albeit, you were a skinny dork with a big nose and I was a shy fat girl with a stuck up nose. But we both wanted to fit in, feel safe, and be valued. I’m sorry that neither of us received that.
We were never friends. We didn’t even have friends that were friends. And that’s the weirdest part about someone bullying you, the fact that they hate you, and they don’t even know you. Because if they knew you, they might get to see you’re a lot like them.
As a mature adult, I can now see that it’s easier to hate people you don’t know or understand.
I forgive you for that because I know it’s a human struggle we all face from time to time. I forgive you, Sean, even though I will never know what I did to deserve your bullying
If you could say anything to someone who bullied you, what would it be?
This article is an excerpt of the best-selling ebook How I Learned To Love Myself: When Affirmations, Dieting, and Success Weren’t Enough. This book explores an entirely new & revolutionary approach to making positive change in your life through self-love. The best part about this ground-breaking, eye-opening, life-changing thing called self-love is that you don’t have to be narcissistic, to love yourself. Get your copy of the book here.
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